Married at First Sight’s John Aiken: Here’s how you can find the love you deserve

With Married at First Sight almost here, relationship expert John Aiken joins listener.co.nz to share sound advice and top tips on finding - and keeping - love. Take the quiz, below, to find out whether you’re ready to find “the one”.

I was talking to a single friend the other day who told me dating is impossible. They went so far as to say fractiously that, statistically speaking, they had more chance of winning Lotto than meeting an available man over the age of 40. Now this is not an uncommon response from the singles I meet. They are quick to point out that hunting for an ideal partner is a hopeless waste of time, because there are no good ones out there.

The problem with this attitude is it only serves to keep you single. It’s one of the many ways you can take yourself out of the game and sabotage your chances of falling in love. Instead of getting caught in this negative spiral, follow my seven steps, and finally give yourself every chance to get the partner you deserve.

1. Commit to a positive mindset

Attracting the right partner begins with your attitude. Put simply, if you think there’s nothing out there for you, then that’s all you’re going to get. So it all starts by turning this around. Try coming from a position that it’s going to happen – and that there are plenty of available singles everywhere just waiting to meet you. I don’t care what’s occurred in the past. Your focus now should be on being positive about the future.

Tips: Stop complaining to others about the dating scene and lack of available love interests. Be positive whenever someone asks about your love life and why you haven’t met someone yet. Let go of the past and avoid talking or thinking about previous relationship break-ups and ex-partners. At the end of every day make a mental note of three good things that have happened to you.

2. Have an appearance makeover

With this new commitment to a positive attitude, it’s time to get active. There’s no quicker way to start creating momentum than to give yourself an appearance makeover - and this applies to all genders. It’s a symbolic way of letting go of the old and moving forward. You can also increase your sense of control and power by deciding how you’re going to present yourself to the outside world. On top of all of this, first impressions count in the dating game and you need to look your best.

Tips: Enlist the help of a friend to clear out your old wardrobe – be ruthless. Go shopping for new clothes and accessories. Make changes to your hair, nails etc. (And yes, some of the blokes could do with getting a manicure.)