Bailing out boys: The work being done to turn young Kiwi males into good men
Many young males are swayed by toxic online messages of what it is to be a man. Now there are moves to show them a different path, one which embraces vulnerability, empathy and respectful relationships.
Chris seems to have it all sorted: at 21, he’s a finance student, a successful football player and a model. But he looks at the male sports and fitness influencers he follows on social media and to him, they seem to be more successful or having a better time than he is.
It was worse when he was at secondary school, where he battled dark times. Living at home in Auckland’s Parnell, he felt like he was failing compared with others and had no one to talk to. Friends would listen, but the usual response was, “Head up, man’'.
His father – a traditional Italian – didn’t want to know his son was struggling. Says Chris, “You look at other people and compare yourself and you think: I should have more things figured out.’’
Who did he turn to? Chris (a pseudonym) scrolled online and was drawn to messages espoused by the self-proclaimed misogynist influencer Andrew Tate – an American-born kickboxer who has accumulated millions of followers on social media for dismissing feminism and talking up ultra masculinity.
Currently facing sexual aggression and human trafficking charges in Romania with his brother Tristan, Tate, who claims to be a billionaire, defends the patriarchy and argues that you have to work hard to succeed.
Chris was drawn to Tate’s philosophy of hard work and self-improvement, and agrees with a lot of his ideas. Asked, though, about Tate’s anti-feminism, he says, “Some of his ideas have been taken out of context.’’
But as Chris pulls on his running shoes and heads out for a weekend jog, his takeaway thought – and one of the reasons he’s keen to talk today – is that young males should be careful and critical about who they follow and listen to online.
Misogyny & the manosphere
The story about young males in New Zealand today is complex. Aotearoa has one of the highest suicide rates for young men in the Western world; young men are more likely to skip and fail school, and they’re more likely to be depressed, anxious and suicidal.
Over the past decade, a number of high-profile sexual harassment cases involving young Kiwi men have sparked official investigations. One of the most infamous was 2013′s “Roast Busters”: young males who were accused of intoxicating underage girls to gang-rape them. Ten years later, two men were sentenced to home detention. Police identified 35 young men as “persons of interest” during their investigation.