New Zealanders may be leaving for Australia in droves, but they’ll be back

The mantra seems to be getting through. “The health system’s completely stuffed. It’s Third World. I’ve got this mole my doctor says looks a bit odd and I need to see a specialist but there’s a two-month waiting list on the public health. So that’s it. We’re going to move to Noosa. Everything’s better over there.”

This monologue was recently shared at high volume in a Napier restaurant. Let’s hope the mole turned out benign and the move to Noosa and a superior health system was accomplished within the two months it might have taken if the speaker had hung in here.

Leaving aside questions about the advisability of exporting a dodgy melanoma to a place where, according to a Queensland tourism website, “The sun shines … more than most other places in the world, with an average of seven long hours … every single day”, the sentiment won’t surprise anyone who has been following the news.

Daily, we are assailed with multiple media reckons from the likes of real estate agents affirming they have never had more enquiries from people wanting to sell their homes because they’re fed up and are moving to Australia. They’ve never seen anything like it. Of course, real estate agents are hardly the most disinterested parties when it comes to advising people whether or not to sell their homes.

If all those stories have even an iota of truth, by the time this piece is published, it is possible there will be no one left in Aotearoa New Zealand to read it.

Just look at these recent headlines: “Huge increase in police being called to shops to protect retail workers” … “‘Without them I’d be starving’: cost-of-living crisis forcing more than ever to rely on food banks” … “International far-right monitor identifies hate groups” … “Record number of threats against MPs reported to police” … “Police crack down on escalating gang violence after home targeted in drive-by shooting” … “‘Ongoing crisis’: Alarming share of young people can’t afford to save for a house” … “Pothole repair bill soars to $4b record” … “Urgent action needed now on crisis-ridden hospitals”.

It’s no wonder people are thinking of moving. But hang on a minute – those headlines are all from recent Australian news reports. It seems that not only does everyone have problems, everyone has pretty much the same problems.

Anyone moving across the Tasman will find themselves facing many of the difficulties they thought they were leaving behind. They deserve to know what they’re getting into.

First, the good news. Besides waiting-list times, one reliable measure of health is being alive. Average life expectancy in New Zealand is 82.8 years; in Australia, it is 83.94. So, only a few months in it, one way or the other.