Jane Clifton: Octopus prophets to robo-politicians - the UK’s absurd election
Perennial novelty candidate Count Binface is standing against UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak in Richmond. Photo / Getty Images
Opinion: It’s well known that politics and football can send people a bit bonkers, but in Britain and Europe, the symptoms are increasingly surreal.
Psychic animals, cuddle power, a non-corporeal candidate and on-purpose daily pratfalls are among the features of elections and Euro football punditry.
Among the European Union’s newly elected MEPs is a Cypriot, whose crowning achievement is getting billionaire Elon Musk to succumb to a hug.
The ebullient Fidias Panayiotou, 24, has been elected seemingly on the strength of the 2.6 million YouTube followers of his serial celebrity cuddling. He has triumphed without a single manifesto pledge, saying he just thought he’d have a go.
There are arguably flimsier cases being put to the electorate. A Brighton candidate in Britain’s general election is a chatbot in a smart blazer called AI Steve, who vows his human generator will be his proxy in Westminster if his cyber self is elected.
Whatever the pundits make of an online-only contender, weightier matters preoccupy a Scottish zoo’s troupe of lemurs – fluffy Madagascan primates – along with a German-resident tapir called Theo. They are part of the oracular menagerie recruited to pick results for Euro football games.
Waterfowl, a gibbon, an otter and various cephalopods are also being consulted, in the hallowed Delphic tradition of German aquarium octopus Paul, who, until his 2010 death, correctly predicted eight Fifa World Cup results by selecting designated mussels from his tucker bowl.
While the British election polls suggest the dogs in the street know Labour will supplant the Conservatives on July 4, there’s been a rash of candidate withdrawals for reasons so unexpectedly stupid as to portend tough competition in this year’s Darwin Awards.
Tory hopeful Adam Gregg was dropped after it emerged he’d once hosted regular raunchy nightclub events for children aged 13-17. Online coverage included girls in school uniform displaying lewd slogans on their chests during his formative entrepreneurial bashes. He apologised “if” this now seemed “inappropriate”.
Among Green candidates dropped after posting and endorsing antisemitic messages online, one – who had shared a comment about Zionists eating Palestinians’ flesh and drinking their blood – said, “Once I was made aware of connotations of anti-semitism in some of the posts I removed them immediately.”